This is an excerpt from Dr. Patti Taylor’s ebook and audio book called, “Her Sexual Trainer: Unlock Her Most Intense Sensual Responses.”
It’s part of the Seduction Trilogy.
Exercise: Fantasy Fishbowl
Here’s a fantasy-generator and exploration tool that combines discovery and a taste of adventure. Write some hot, fun, sexy ideas on small papers or cards and put them into a fishbowl or similar container.
Then—taking turns—select a paper from the bowl and read it aloud. You might experiment reading the fantasies in different dramatic voices—shy, coy, flirtatious, outraged, zany. You might share about how the fantasy affected you as reader or listener; maybe play with the fantasy (by building it out round-robin style into a story and noticing what develops). Each you of can indicate whether you’d consider “ever doing them” and also, if any of these suggestions might be on the menu for tonight.
In addition to being a fun way to connect and learn, Fantasy Fishbowl is another way for you and your partner to train each other to your exact tastes. Your fantasies might be about something you’d like tonight… or some other point… or which you don’t know whether you’d ever want (“just exploring”). Your job as the guy is to create this “safe container,” so that she knows she can express her desires and needs safely.
You’ll be doing both of you a favor by making it completely safe for her to reveal her hot, sexy desires… and at times, inviting her to consider taking on new more daring personality traits. Finally, you will also be sharing with her your own ideas for how to have fun in bed, without being pushy (a strategy that may backfire and close doors that you would rather start opening).
Men, it really is okay to ask a woman what she wants! She’s hoping you will… trust me. With your asking, you demonstrate your sincere interest in her pleasure. Re-read that last sentence about demonstrating your sincere interest in her pleasure—you are showing her that your attention is on her and not on your ego.
In Her Sexual Trainer, I’ve included a number of additional things you can do to incubate some fun and sexy ideas. Your playful and curious incubation may pay off immediately, or linger in the back of her mind, as she waits for the right time to say yes.
Are you getting the point of incubation? You’re generating a library or bank of turned-on experiences, and this building is fulfilled (in the imagination) in the act of sharing them.
Done properly, you will also acquire valuable information about what your partner might like.
I hope you’re not hesitating on this one. Men seem to have an aversion to asking for directions, if you’ll pardon the stereotype. If you want to take your sex life to the stars, get over it! (I think we’ve covered this in fair detail already under “education” and the training cycle, and more.) You need to know—or find out—what might turn her on!
Take advantage of these opportunities to discover what a woman does want and might want, and make suggestions, too!
Note: if you have fantasies that you feel you need to experience in order to feel satisfied, and that would generally be considered “kink,” it’s even more important to release any expectations about your partner participating right away. Please exercise your best judgment regarding if and when to share these fantasies. You might visit a suitable web forum or seek a professional who can help you decide how to best proceed.
Having said this, most people can share all kinds of fantasies. Some of them can come true, and some of them are a great turn on, even if they remain strictly in the realm of fantasy-land.
19 comments
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Hey, Ryan!
Check this out! I invited a girl over who was, I thought, one of the chicks who set me in the ‘friend zone’, coz we share a lot of ‘stuff’but nothing goes further. Anyway, I had been looking at your email and left it open to make us coffee and she went on to reading your email about fantasy fishbowl. Ok, long story short, she gave me curious looks and was acting odd for a bit, when all of a sudden she mentions it, asking questions about why I had the porn star web site on my laptop in the first place. She got real curious when I told here I was just learning stuff about how women act and what drives them…well, hot and horny.I figured her to run laughing out of here and calling the paper to place an ad about it.
No way did I expect her to grab me by the horns asking me why my idiot-ass didn’t make a move on her! Look. she went home (close by), and said she wanted to pick up a few things and I’d better be ready to go Fishing when she got back, Wow! We ain’t ever kissed-except cheek peeking, and who counts that?
I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my ass, and she’s probably on her way back-we live five minutes walk away-and I’ll tell you this much, I love fishing the old fashioned way so this looks a hundred times better and more fun! YeeHaww!!! I don’t know to play it- cool or just go for it-, so my moto is-go for it coz ya never know else wise. playing it cool left me in the friend zone with Lena-that’s her name and she’s a cutie, and a bit…heck, I’ll let y’all know how it goes! Later! And Thanks for the right email at the right time! Rocket. -
Damn I wish you had posted this article a few days ago. Over the weekend I picked up one of those novelty board games from the sex shop in hopes that we could have some fun together. The game turned out to be really boring and asked us to do some really stupid stuff to each other (like put whipped cream in each others ears and try to lick it off while blind folded).
I’m going to show this to my girlfriend tonight and see if she wants to play.
Thanks!
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I really love it when my boyfriend takes charge and tells me what to do. I think i’m going to surprise him with this game later tonight. Thanks for the great idea : )
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Thanks for featuring this fun game. I love to play it at sensual parties with my friends.
Sloane
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Thanks for sharing. Ryan, everything here is very informative to me. It’s a wonderful idea that Dr. Taylor suggests. I look forward to trying out sometime.
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Whoo! Hey Ryan!
What can I say except, Thank You! Thank You! and hey, Thank You! Fantasy Fishbowl with my friend… wait? Talk about jumping out of the ‘friend zone’. I still can’t get this grin off-a my face. What a day we spent playing FFB. The teasing and flirting, the laughter and giggling. and let’s not forget the getting down to multi-tasking. Today was a riot! and I found out what insane company Lena and I could be playing this game. We lasted about an hour before ripping our clothes to pieces, I never knew how hot a woman can get down below-I could have fried eggs for crying out loud!
Needless to say, Lena and I are definatly not in the ‘friend zone’ after the amazing time we had. When her first big ‘O; popped, I swear to you I literally watched her eyes melt, dialate, and turn a rosy pink within seconds- talk about an ego boast!. Long story short, we both ended up literally unable to move as our legs finally buckled.
The best part of the game, we had to move as close as we could get without any physical contact. It was mind blowing, intense, and so charged up the ‘fishbowl, (a cardboard box) went flying when we couldn’t stand it no more.
Oh, Hey! Thanks for the modules you sent me; especially the one about how to stimulate the clit and G-spot with just fingers. She was climbing the wall sideways on that one. Needless to say, the ‘friend zone’ got blown to bits and we can’t wait to try this again-soon after recovering, Lol!!! And I just love with all you girls for all the great stuff. Later! …Rocket -
Thank you for the great advices. I husband is a little bit conservative and I am not sure will he tolerate such games and parties. But anyway, I already decided to try some of these fantasies and nothing can’t stop me:)
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I want to thank you for these fantastic tips and ideas about having better sex and being better lover. I already implemented some of your advices and the results were astonishing. My life is happy and pleased and I can see that her opinion about me is very different. Thank you again and waiting for more helpful info.
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Sometimes the seduction is even better than the real sex. I mean it. Thanks to your useful articles and courses my life is much better now. I realize that it is not difficult my dreams and fantasies to become true. I can say that my girl is horny almost all day long. I feel like I am in paradise.
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The sexual trainer is really great and I will try many of the ideas inside. They will help me to understand better the desires of my girl and I will learn how to make her happy more often than ussual. I will try all games and parties which you mention in your site and come back for more feedback when I have results:)
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you guys, the oscars was justin’s way of saying “its official, me and selena are together.”
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One of my fantasies is to have sex in a bathtub filled with chocolate
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Three women at once
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To have sex in a movie theater during a horror movie
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Its great that you Shed light on a few things I didn’t understand. Thank you , hope you can keep writing blog.
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going to show my boyfriend this later 🙂
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How is this going to help me when I am handicap and my parents have ruined my life by taking all my settlement and disability back pay money and left me with a bunch of empty promisses.
Now I have nothing and no way of getting around to meet any women. This whole program is nothing but a tease to me! 🙁
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